Thursday, April 18, 2013

What a Mighty Fine Cult you Have!

Something close to 50 percent of South Korea identifies themselves as Christian. Generally speaking, this means the same as being a Christian back in the US except for the fact that many

1) Don't consume alcohol because they are Christian.
2) Try not to associate with other people who are not Christian.
3) Allow their churches to decide how much money each family donates each week by giving the church  access to their bank accounts.

Even though these traits seem a bit odd and a couple just not christian at all, the base-line Christians of Korea are generally a pleasant group of people that just go about their business.

However, whenever a country has a large percentage of devout religious followers, that country almost always has splinter groups that form which the rest of world lovingly refer to as cults. South Korea is no different.

I was walking back to my shitty apartment still a bit drunk from an all night bender up in Seoul that ended a few hours earlier. All the normal folk were out in about on that crisp Spring morning so I wanted to hurry back to my hovel before I scared any children. Up ahead of me I noticed a group of well dressed men walking together with books in their hands. I didn't feel like crossing to the other side of the street so I instead pushed on ahead. When I got close, one of them asked me if I wanted to stay and talk for a bit. I decided it could be kind of interesting so I said "what the hell, why not?"

The main guy that was doing all the talking could not speak English very well, but I did understand a few things. Basically he said that I looked sad and that I could use some help with my life. He said that he knew where I could get help and that I should follow them.

I decided that this could be interesting so I told them in Korean that we should go. The group of black suit wearing men jumped back with a look of surprise spread across their faces. I guess they did not think I was going to go with them and got really excited when I said I would.

We walked for about a half mile until we got to an unmarked five-story building. I followed them up to the fourth floor and we got off the elevator and stepped onto a floor that looked and smelled just like any old church. I took my shoes off, as per Korean custom, and followed them into a large room with a low ceiling that seemed to be meant for worshiping. Even though it was a big room full of many rows of pews, the room was devoid of life except for one young girl sitting alone.

The men I was with walked over to she shy looking girl, began talking and then pointed at me. The girl's face turned bright red and the men I was with just started smiling at me. They motioned for me to sit down next to her and then they all darted off somewhere. the girl paused for a minute, and then began speaking in perfect English and explained that she was asked by those men to teach me about their religion.

The girl explained to me that she was part of the "Church of the Holy Mother," which is, from what I gathered, a Christian sect that believes that God is a woman. She took out a bible that was written in both English and Korean and had lots of sticky notes sticking out of it and showed me passages that she said proved their religion is true. I don't know too much about the nuts and bolts of Christianity, but the passages she showed me looked pretty ambiguous. However, I just kind of played along and nodded my head up and down.

Suddenly without warning, the girl burst into tears and ran off. I was quite taken a back by this because I had done nothing out of the ordinary. I was just sitting their quietly listening. A minute later a large man came in and told me that he was sorry and that she was just too nervous to continue. The man then asked me if I wanted to have celebrate by having some food in the back room. It was at this point that I said I was done. I gave the ma fake name and number and said I really needed to go. The man seemed a bit annoyed and said that would call in an hour to make sure that I got home okay. I said that it was fine and bounded on out of there.

If you are ever in a train station and see some odd looking people about, there is a good chance that they are involved with the church of the holy mother. They desperately seek out non-Korean members because they think it will bring legitimacy to their church.

If I were you, just do what I do when I come across people like that. Say that you will convert right there on the spot if they give you 20,000 won (about 18 dollars).

It really throws them for a loop and you might get some money out of it!




No comments:

Post a Comment